Words of love

I remember the first time I was able to see past my own hurt and speak words of love.  It was late and dark.  I asked him how his day had gone and his response, full of hesitation and shame, told me all I needed to know.  He'd gone through the cycle again.  That familiar, soul crushing heartache came flooding in, just like it always did, filling my throat with words of pain.   It tasted like agony.. white hot and bitter.  My stomach twisted and I wanted to cry... to scream at him.  This was destroying me.  It was destroying our family! How could he do this to me, to us, again and again and again...

What came out of my mouth instead surprised us both I think. Somehow, through the grace of God,  I was able to swallow my pain and really look at him.  I saw how helpless and full of despair he felt.  Perhaps for the first time I was able to see how miserable, alone, and powerless he had become in the face of this addiction.  Instead of hate, I felt compassion.  Beautiful, soothing, compassion!  I told him that I loved him.  That he could fight this and I would stay here fighting right beside him.  I told him that he was strong, and good, and to please just keep trying!

I understood how we can speak with the tongue of angels.  Words of love are so powerful!  So much more powerful than words of shame.  I also understood how the words we speak can change our heart. In that moment they changed mine.  Do I always remember this?  Of course not.  But I look back on this memory and try a little harder to speak those powerful, healing words of love.