Addiction has changed this for me. Now trust is complicated. “The belief that someone is reliable, honest, good, effective". Do I believe these things about my husband? Yes. Yes, I do. Do I trust him to never look at porn again? Absolutely not. That would be naive and.. well.. setting myself up for some serious heartache. He is an addict and although I believe he can, and will someday, live symptom free (code for no longer seeking out porn), I also know he’ll always have a weakness for it. In mortality anyway.
So don’t ask me to trust in this area. I will love, support, and assist in every way I can in his fight against porn addiction. But I won’t trust. And he is wise enough not to ask for it. I can’t give what I don’t have. Instead he asks for help. He gives me the freedom to check in at any time. I remain aware that this is a weakness. Help when I can. Ask when the Spirit prompts or when I’m feeling insecure and needy.
We’ll build our relationship on Faith instead of trust. Faith in a perfect, loving God. Faith in the Atonement and Repentance. In our ability to pick ourselves up and try again. To heal, progress, and learn. That is something I can trust.
