It's been such a crazy month. I've tried to write about it several times but it hurts and the words don't come out right. M fell pretty hard and for whatever reason, this time it hit especially deep. I've spent the month trying to find purpose in this pain. I remembered again how to pray with my whole heart. Each day asking for enough strength to make it through ONE day at a time. Daily bread. Crying my eyes out to Heavenly Father because it is so hard to cry in front of anyone else.
Oh, and I started working through the Twelve Steps. The hard realization is there is no way a girl can live with an addict for fourteen years and NOT come away with baggage. Each day I'm seeking light for my vessel. Either in the scriptures or the temple. And I'm feeling better. Like I'm breathing and feeling and seeing again. Conference was awesome. I also came across this quote by Richard G. Scott that really helped.
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.... Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment of more difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."
And I wanted to thank you women out there in the blogging world who are fighting this beast of addiction. Your stories are so powerful. They are like air for me when I'm drowning. It is so good to feel like I'm not alone.
All my love.
Elisabeth
